White Skates

The Real Full Monty on Ice

With presumably less than a month to go before Dancing on Ice returns to our screens, ITV treat us to yet more celebrity skaters stepping even further away from their comfort zones on Monday and Tuesday in The Real Full Monty on Ice. The show was a continuation of previous years’ cancer awareness campaigns culminating in this year’s striptease led by DOI judge, Ashley Banjo and choreographed by DOI’s creative director, Dan Whiston. Amongst those participating in this year’s show were six former DOI contestants including winners Hayley Tammadon and Jake Quickenden, as well as 2020 runner-up Peri Kiely.

The first show on Monday while showing the celebrities getting together on the ice for the first time, and former Hollyoaks’ actor, Jamie Lomas’ fear of the ice, mainly consisted of clips detailing their reasons for participating in the show. Each celebrity that took part had like likely almost each viewer, been effected by family or friends that have been diagnosed with cancer. 1981 Grand National winner Bob Champion (71), the eldest of the participants spoke frankly in both episodes of having been weeks away from death when diagnosed with testicular cancer leading him to establish The Bob Champion Cancer Trust in 1983, which raises money for The Bob Champion Cancer research laboratory, which forms part of the largest male dedicated research facility in Europe. While ex-Love Island contestant, Chris Hughes explained how having appeared on This Morning alongside Dr Chris Steel to demonstrate a testicular examination and encourage men to check themselves regularly, his elder brother Ben discovered a lump and was diagnosed the following day.

The show also did not shy away from the fact that many men and women though aware of the need for regular checks, fail to do so either out of fear or failing to prioritise them. Ex-professional rugby star and 2013 DOI alumni, Gareth Thomas spoke openly in Tuesday night’s episode of his family history of cancer and how living with HIV, he was to some degree afraid of checking due to not wanting to add any more issues to those he was already living with. Viewers then saw Gareth in conversation with his father who bluntly explained that due to his father and grandfather both having been effected by the disease, he was at an increased risk and he owed it to his husband as well as his family to get himself checked out, which he then did.

Similarly, former Women’s Hour presenter Dame Jenni Murray, talked honestly of missing a routine mammogram and simply forgetting to rebook. Subsequently, Jenni endured a double mastectomy having been diagnosed with breast cancer on the same day her Mum passed away. Perhaps the shows most vital imagery in terms of female cancer, was provided by four breast cancer survivors who not only detailed their experiences but generously allowed both the ladies and the viewers to see the reality of their mastectomy scars. Two of the women had opted to not have reconstructive surgery, another had reconstruction at the same time as her breast removal, and the fourth though not wishing for reconstruction had been left with “pouches” which meant it would be possible in the future (though terribly this was not what she had instructed the surgeon to do). Though shocking these images, allowed women to see the reality of surgery and I believe make women facing surgery aware not only of their options, but prepare them for what their bodies may look like afterwards, and realise that none of these options were to be feared.

The celebrities were joined on the ice by twelve skating professionals (including DOI alumini Alex Murphy, Sylvain Longchambon, Alex Demetriou, Maria Filippov, Vicky Ogden and Oscar Peter). Though we were told that the celebrities had all been sent for skating lessons we were not partial to footage and Chris was forced to admit to a understandably irritated Ashley banjo, that he had failed to attend any sessions outside of the group practices. Throughout their training, both Dan Whiston and Ashley Banjo were forced to be absent due to exposure to COVID and celebrity Jamie Lomas, who had been reluctant at first to take part, was forced to miss the final show due to receiving a positive test result.

Both Hayley and Coleen stepped into the breech, to ensure the celebrities carried on their preparations, with Hayley needing to quieten down the group while Dan attempted to teach them the choreography via mobile phone at the same time that Ashley was also absent due to self isolation. Despite the far from ideal circumstances, the group came together in the final show not only conquering their fears of the actual strip, but Dr Zoe Williams (This Morning resident GP and ex-Gladiator) and former Love Island contestants Chris Hughes and Shaughna Philips, none of whom had previous skating experience all succeeded in taking part in the group dances to an impressive standard given the short and difficult preparations. The clever choreography, allowing for the elder Jenni and Bob to remain on the somewhat more stable carpeted area. 2018 DOI champion, Jake Quickenden who had spoken so movingly of the heart-breaking loss of both his father and young brother, performed a beautiful rendition of Have yourself a merry little Christmas in front of a monochrome display of the loved ones each celebrity was performing in memory of.

This was the first Real Full Monty show I had watched and I was pleasantly surprised not only by the actual performance itself, but the detail the show went into in terms of the need for and practicalities of self examination.

First Impressions (part two)

Now that the final three contestants have been announced I thought it was probably time to get round to completing my ridiculously early predictions. If you missed part one you can find it here.

Freestyle rapper, Lady Leshurr (born Melesha Katrina O’Garro) is one of those contestants that I have to admit to only knowing from being a ‘celebrity’ on another show. That said from this year’s Celebrity Masterchef she came across as willing to learn and game for a laugh. With a 2016 MOBO award under her belt, it would be hoped that the thirty year old midlander would have a good grasp of musicality. However, while the cooking show portrayed her as a thoroughly pleasant lady she did also appear to be rather goofy. With (like many of this year’s stars) little to go on, at this stage I predict a lower/mid-table finish.

Billie Shepherd (known as Billie Faiers prior to her marriage in 2019) is one contestant that i have baseless high hopes for. generally speaking Towie/the Mummy Diaries aren’t really my type of shows. However having been bored in hotel rooms on too many occasions I have seen far more of Billie than i’d care to admit and unlike many in those programmes, personally I think she’s always come across quite well. Whether it’s her build or height (1.63m to Jayne Torvill’s 1.6m), I’m not sure but I’ve long thought Billie would be a good fit for DOI. Plus she’s since been paired with Mark Hanretty a personal favourite who did such great work last season with visually impaired (functionally sightless) paralympian Libby Clegg. Based on nothing bar my own enthusiam and longing for a female Ray Quinn I predict winner!

Which brings us finally to Rufus Hound (41) comedian who’s stood (unsuccessfully) for election to the European Parliament and endorsed, re-endorsed and defended former Labour Party Leader Jeremy Corbyn, including performing at the 2016 “Keep Corbyn” event in Kentish Town. While ten or so years ago, Rufus was a fairly regular face on talk shows and panels, controversies such as his much derided tweet in 2017 labeling the bombing of the Arianna Grande concert at Manchester Arena as a “false flag operation” allowed by Theresa May in order to increase her poll ratings have done little to boost Hounds’ popularity. Lack of mass recognisability isn’t always that much of a handicap on talent based celebrity shows. However while I suspect Lady Leshurr and Sonny Jay fans will tune into any shows they appear on, I’m unconvinced Rufus Hound fans will do so in sufficient numbers to compensate. I also (again like most of these predictions based on never having seen Rufus in skates) am not foreseeing great things. I predict he will be in the first skate off with Rebekah Vardy.

How likely are any of these predictions to come true? No idea, but I thought it would be fun to do these early and see how quickly and how vastly opinions change once the show begins or even once training VTs begin to emerge. Some of the celebrities I now know who they’ve been partnered with but I’ve purposely tried to stay clear of allowing them to colour my judgement (and aside from Billie as mentioned above) did not have that info when I formed my initial prediction.

I’d love to know what folk reading this think? Do you have a favourite already? Who do you think is going to suprise us? Do you have any ideas of posts you’d like to see? Feel free to comment and let me know. In the meantime, enjoy this proof that 2021 preparations have officially begun!

First Impressions

A couple of weeks ago I was lucky enough to take part in one of Dan Whiston’s online Zumba classes which aside from confirming lockdown has done little to improve my poor fitness levels, also confirmed that the Dancing on ice team were a week away from beginning the process of getting 2021 season training underway. And so it is that over the last couple of weeks, ITV have begun announcing their new signings. Therefore having been a bit lax in posting of late, I thought it made sense to details my impressions so far and fun to make a few (as yet uninformed) predictions for the coming DOI season.

Myleene Klass (who appears not to have a Twitter handle).

The first celeb announced was former Hearsay member and Royal Academy of Music alumi, Myleene Klass (42). Whilst, Hearsay weren’t especially known for their inventive dance routines (unlike Steps whose Ian ‘H’ Watkins finished in 7th place back in March), Myleene’s classical training and skills suggests a sound sense of rhythm. Furthermore, Klass spent two years studying Musical Theatre at the Royal Academy of Music suggesting its not just her vocal chords she’s able to flex. Whilst her records haven’t always been to my personal taste, she’s always come across as likeable with a sense of fun and with a win on Popstars and runner-up spot on I’m a Celebrity under her belt, providing she can get to grips with her skates I suspect she’s going to do well. At this early stage I’d guess semi-finalist or better.

Joe Plant Fans (@PlantFans) | Twitter — Joe -Warren Plant @jacobGEmmerdale

Two days later, Emmerdale “star” Joe-Warren Plant (18) led to my first “who?” of the series. I must confess I’ve barely seen Emmerdale this millennium so my impressions on the lad aren’t really grounded in any facts. That said at the tender age of eighteen, I think Plant has real potential; the energy of youth, lack of creaking bones, appealing to teen voters, less fearful of falls. I also don’t necessarily think being less recognisable to as wide a range of viewers as some is too much of a disadvantage…Wes Nelson, Libby Clegg, Kem Cetinay, Jake Quickenden all did very well. Also historically Emmerdale cast members have done very well on the show; Hayley Tamaddon and Matthew Wolfenden having both taken the crown. Prediction? Runner-up/Third place. Although does also have the potential to be Bambi on ice.

A day later, former Strictly Come Dancing runner up, Denise Van Outen (46) was announced. Apart from impressing in the ballroom, Van Outen (alumnus of Sylvia Young Theatre School) has wowed audiences in West End Productions of Legally Blond, Chicago and others. Of cause whether Den can translate her Strictly skills to the ice as successfully as James Jordan remains to be seen but I’d be very surprised if she went out before the semis. Prediction? Winner/Runner-up

After Den, came former Coronation Street actress Faye Brookes (33). Another Musical Theatre graduate, Brookes has tread the boards in Grease, Shrek and Legally Blonde. Again one presumes therefore she can vaguely move. That said without much to go on at this stage I predict a mid-table finish.

Ok, next up comes the second contestant in the shows history to have been given the honour of having one of my childhood goldfish name after them (RIP both Stephen Gatelys!). Jason Donovan (52) came third in Strictly in 2011 and is another West End alumni having appeared most notably in Joseph and his Technicolor Dreamcoat as well as Sweeney Todd and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The oldest male celebrity (discounting injured Barrymore’s non-appearance last season) since Bobby Davro’s rather forgettable appearance in 2010 (and a couple of this years celebrities further down this list), JD’s inclusion is the one that’s got this kid of the 80s the most excited. I’d love to see him do well and being held in such affection by those of a certain vintage I feel confident he’ll stay in a while but honestly? I predict mid to lower table finish. I hope I’m wrong though!

Not being a teenager or a student, Capital FM Breakfast show isn’t really my bag, but radio DJ Sonny Jay (27), whose band Loveable Rogues google informs me made it to the Britain’s Got Talent final in 2012, is another one who presumably can keep to the beat. His co-host Roman Kemp did very well in last year’s I’m a Celeb and was very unfortunate in not taking the win. His Wikipedia page is rather sparse and so again I’m basing this on very little but though unlikely to be the first out I predict an early exit.

As a former world champion and Olympic athlete, Colin Jackson (53) will be well au fait with grueling training schedules. Whether having retired from competition in 2002 he’s still up for the early starts and leg cramps only time will tell. Like Denise and Jason, Colin competed in BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing back in 2005 and like Denise finished second. However, unlike Denise, for reasons I can’t quite justify I’m not sure Mr Jackson will find his feet on the ice. At 5″11.5 he may be just an inch taller than Christopher Dean, but I fear that may be where the similarities end and suspect those long legs may be his downfall. I predict an early exit. Sorry Colin!

In my opinion the most surprising announcement so far, former British Olympic skier Graham Bell (54) is somewhat of an enigma. according to his Wikipedia page he competes in triathlons, 24 hour mountain biking events and regularly competes in the Etape Du Tour cycle race. All of which suggests he’s maintained his endurance levels. Will having been part of Team GB at Sarajevo 84 ignite the drive to persevere through to Bolero? Literally no idea! But since I promised predictions…I predict a comfortable mid-table finish.

The most recent signing announced is possibly the most difficult personally to be objective on. Rebekah Vardy (38); wife of Leicester City player Jamie (a description I hate but let’s be honest aside from litigation it’s the only reason we know who she is). Back in 2017 Vardy was not only the third person voted out of that year’s I’m A Celebrity but also the reason (for the first and as yet only time) I gave up watching that year’s series. I hate that DOI contestants often fail to progress or progress beyond merit based on off ice reasoning, but to be blunt unless public opinion shifts quickly (which I presume is exactly what Rebekah is hoping for by taking part) she won’t last long. Prediction? Will be in the first skate off and possibly survive for a week or two after.

Back on the ice but still back of the queue

Whitley Bay Ice Rink Public session 17/08/20

I wasn’t planning on waiting so long to write another post, but celebrating the progress Dancing on Ice has made on the new series while the rinks remained closed just seemed distasteful. While pubs and restaurants has been allowed to re-open back on 4th July presumably because drunks are well-known for not invading personal space (?) the Department for Culture, Media and Sport (DCSM) announced that UK rinks could re-open on 25th July, before backtracking on 10th July and stating the inclusion of ice rinks in the list of establishments that were being given the green light was an “administrative error”. Fast-forward a couple of weeks and 1st August was given as the new date; rinks began the expensive and time-consuming process of replacing the ice that had been melted months before, sharpening hire skates, disinfecting and installing signage to ensure compliance with British Ice Skating’s guidelines on safe practice (that had been agreed months before), just in time for the DCMS to announce late in the day on 30th July that rinks were in fact NOT to be allowed to open the following day. It was therefore perhaps not surprising that when the next date for re-opening of Saturday 8th August, few of us went to bed truly believing that in a few days time we’d be back on the glorious cold stuff. While premier league football had resumed on 17th June and millions tuned in to see players leaping all over each-other celebrating and by the end of July every Olympic discipline had resumed training…well all that didn’t involve ice skates!

Ice-skaters were forced to siit at home watching the premier league stars on the pitch

Jayne Torvill, Christopher Dean, Robin Cousins, John Curry…4 British Olympians, 4 British Gold Medal Winners, 4 British SPORTS Personality of the year winners…and yet Ice sports were (and as I write have still been) categorised by DCMS as “lesiure” and not sport. One disgruntled athlete even going as far as to be tasked my their local MP’s caseworker with providing evidence that skating is a sport! As Robin Cousins correctly pointed out on Twitter” Figure skating was first introduced as an Olympic sporting event at the 1908 Summer Games and since 1924 it’s been part of the Winter Olympic Games. Ice Dance was introduced as an Olympic sport in 1976 and the team event in 2014″. Although last Saturday common sense prevailed and skaters (in England) were finally allowed back and Scottish rinks are (currently) due to re-open on 31st August (for Wales the wait continues), the fact remains that DCMS has not only shown nothing but disrespect to our athletes leading to the hashtag #overlookedolympicsport the continuation of placing rinks in the same category as casinos leaves the very real possibility that come a second wave, ice dancers will be the first to be forced to halt training.

A little over 48 hours after skaters in England were allowed back on the rink I headed over to a public skating session at Whitley Bay (my local rink), having not stepped on the ice myself for a couple of years. As those who’ve read this blog will know i’m a huge ice dance fan (obviously) but my skating experience is from childhood/teen recreational street skating and at the start of lockdown I purchased my first pair of quad skates in fifteen years. As street skaters know, and ice skaters have been discovering, there are few public spaces with ground smooth enough to enjoy. Which is why a few months back I was forced to ring my Dad for a lift home having rocked the chasis off one of my skates on the uneven council tarmac!

Having read and seen much of regular ice dancers being forced to practice ‘off-ice’ and concentrating on the potential benefits they’d find back on the ice, I was naturally curious to see whether i’d too find myself embracing the comparative lack of friction and lightness of the boots. I arrived 15 minutes before the session began (you don’t need to pre-book but they do ask you to attend a quarter of an hour early to be processed, those with skates need to enter booted up, while if like myself you require hire skates you enter the ice via a separate entrance) and spent a few minutes worried i’d have the rink to myself. Much as I’ve spent a quarter of this year dreaming of standing solo in the middle of the rink, in reality given my mediocre skills the idea of being watched was rather too much to bear. Thankfully, a young girl in hockey skates soon arrived accompanied by her (I presume) boyfriend in hire skates, a father and his seven or eight year old daughter, three young athletes and their two coaches joined me. Face masks must be worn on entrance (thankfully I found a scarf down the back of my passenger seat after I realised I’d left mine at home) and with the exception of the coaches, can be removed while skating.

For a recreational skater like myself the session was a dream; nobody clinging on to the sides or falling all over the place getting in your way, talented athletes practicing in your vicinity demonstrating perfectly the art of this glorious sport, inspiring you to skate harder, faster and challenge yourself to try new things, a freshly laid surface (I went to the 11am session so less than 2 hours after the Zamboni had given it a good polish) and freshly sharpened hire skates that probably hadn’t been used since sharpening. While I’d forgotten how heavy hire skates are (plastic, with tight straps) compared to my leather lace-up quads, the smooth gliding blades and friction free ice reminded me quite why Jayne Torvill has been repeatedly quoted as describing it as “the closest thing to flying”. Having roller skated (off and on) for 33 years, I was shocked to find how much easier I found basic skating. Despite beginning skating way back in 1987 (aged 3), due to a combination of financial and geographical limitations and priorities I’ve never had any lessons. As a child, the only way to learn was to give it a go (possibly still the best way). Over thirty years later with the availability of countless Youtube tutorials I’d been trying to relearn crossovers on my quads, briefly managing a few (basic but not entirely satisfactory) forward crossovers (backwards skating still seems to be alluding me). While I was confident enough racing round the ice, bubbles (or cola bottles as they were named on our street) seeming even easier on ice, short spurts on one foot, trying to work out which edge to use meant I didn’t conquer crossovers on ice but I won’t be defeated!

With the Prime Minister announcing a new government strategy on tackling obesity the sweat dripping off my back (sexy it was not) just twenty minutes into the session, the weightless sensation (as with swimming) enabling you to push harder and faster, one would suggest the rink would be the perfect place to get Britain moving. While gym addicts are reminded of the dangers in forgetting ‘leg day’, skating provides an all body work out and aside from the athletes those on the rink are just normal folk, too busy staying upright to judge anyone else. While I confess my calves burnt with lactic acid when I got back in my car, at no point on the rink did I even notice a slight twinge. Needless to say, I will not be leaving it a few years before I head back. If it wasn’t for the clash with my improv classes (currently only Tuesday classes are available) I’d be signing up for lessons like a shot. At £54 for 6 sessions it also works out cheaper than a trip to the gym.

Which just leaves, the small issue of this year’s Dancing on Ice? While our future Olympians were left to flounder, the show was left pondering whether it would be at all possible to get round this (having it’s own rink which is used for filming the show at RAF Bovingdon). Back-up plans were put in place, to film special episodes utilising clips from the vast back catalogue. Come July, however it seemed that the show was back on track having been given permission to place celebrities on the ice and begin the audition process, aiming to launch the live shows as usual in early January 2021. Although, John Barrowman (who joined the ice panel last season) has admitted that it’s as yet unclear whether the show will go ahead. With contestants rumoured to include Towie’s Billie Faeires (who I must admit I’d quite like to see), Coronation Street’s Sally Dynevor (Sally Metcalfe) and former England footballer Wayne Bridge (husband of ex-Saturday member and Strictly contestant Frankie Bridge) it is to be hoped that now the rinks have re-opened a government guideline friendly way can be found to keep the show on air. Although regardless when the next season airs the decision not to recontract last year’s winning professional Alex Murphy is one decision I could never endorse.

Fear of The future

For clarity I must stress that what follows is merely my observations of the impact of the current situation on the sport and is in no way meant to be a judgement on the decisions being made by any sporting body. Indeed, given the current rates of global infection let alone the catastrophic death rate it is arguable that no organised sporting events should be taking place and of cause, much as I like many, find great pleasure in ice dance if the last few months have taught us anything it is surely the importance of who and what we chose to surround ourselves with. That said, one day, how soon I cannot say, but one day this will be over and something resembling normality (as opposed to the new normal) will resume and it’s to that which I look.

Regular readers of this blog may be aware that I am was due to attend the British Figure skating championships in Sheffield in December. With the World Figure Skating Championships in Montreal having been cancelled back in March, and British Skating announcing on March 17^th the cancellation of all BIS-permitted events, competitions and test sessions for an initial period of six week, little did I imagine that an event so far in the future would begin to seem so unlikely. And yet, as much as it breaks my heart to admit it, such a large scale event of such prestige occurring, let alone being permitted to do so in front of an audience, in twenty-six weeks’ time appears absolutely implausible given the societal changes of the last three months.

While English Premier League football prepares to resume on 17^th June in crowd-free stadia, there has been no word from Sport England (quelle surprise) or British Ice Skating as to when our skating athletes may resume training let alone competition. While US figure skating published a 17 page document entitled Returning to the Rinks from U.S. Figure Skating, Learn to Skate USA, the U.S. Ice Rink Association and USA Hockey on May 4^th offering guidelines to help clubs and programs implement appropriate policies and procedures in response to COVID-19, as well as further publications on Returning to Skating Programs and Disciplines and Considerations for Competitions and Events. The USA site also lists all cancelled competitions right up to the American National Solo Dance Final due to take place in Michigan between 9^th and 12^th September. There has been no update from British Skating since March 17^th.

Given the response to the crisis in the UK and US more generally, perhaps the crucial difference in terms of figure skating remains that while folk in Britain are now free to leave home as often as they wish for the purpose of exercise, and outdoor sports and physical activities (including basketball and tennis courts, golf courses and playing fields) can re-open, indoor facilities (whether public or private must remain closed). So while legendary British Olympic gold medal winner, Christopher Dean, long-based in Colorado, has been able to return to the ice (albeit donning a face mask and having to dress in the car park due to changing facilities remaining shut), his UK based partner, Jayne Torvill, has no such option.

At the next international competition (when so ever that may be), I would glean to suggest that the disparity in opportunity between the two nations will inevitably have increased. British Ice Skating has long been under-funded, under resourced and under equipped. As I’ve mentioned previously, UK curling receives £6.5m from UK Sport in Olympic funding as compared to Figure Skating’s ZERO. Add to that last week’s announcement that Bracknell’s rink at the John Nike Leisure Complex is considering permanent closure as a result of financial losses combined with the effects of governmental forced closure due to the global pandemic, Deeside being turned into a temporary hospital to treat North Wales residents with symptoms of COVD-19 and both Planet Ice in Widnes and Milton Keynes being converted to temporary body storage areas (morgues, a fate that befell Zetra Olympic Hall in Sarajevo during the Bosnian war as I detailed in a post). Whilst with the exception of Bracknell, these closures have been stated as temporary, but given British Skating is already far down UK Sport’s list of priorities in normal times, and the strain on local and national government finances already caused by the crisis, when, how and if the funding to restore these facilities remains to be seen.

I realise this post is all a bit doom and gloom, but rest assured my next post will be less so as I look at what Dancing On Ice has in store whether or not sufficient normality has returned by new year.

Skating, clapping, & laughter

Despite my parents throwing my last pair of skates in a skip while I was at university it took 1 week of lockdown for me to come to the conclusion that I needed a pair to get through this. And while my Instagram is full of inspirational figure skaters axelling away on off-ice skates I couldn’t really justify the £235 outlay and by the time I’d thought to invest, every skater on the planet had had the same idea. With UK government guidelines permitting people leaving the house only to shop for essentials, receive medical treatment or for one form of exercise per day, I needed to do something and as the kid still traumatised by cross-country (why did we only do it in the rain or snow?), it would be a long time before I got desperate enough to go for a run. I spent last Christmas in Spain with a friend, hiring bicycles to explore the locality. ‘It’s like learning to ride a bike’. What I learnt was how many hours everyone else spent on a bike when I was skating. I never fell off but at no point did I think ‘Oh I might ditch my car and buy a bike’. Fat chance!

So two weeks into state-induced incarceration and fatigued from repeated walks to the bottom of Woolsington village and back (a nice walk but not when done every day), I finally found what I’d been looking for. ‘No Fear’ white quad skates. While my last skates were inliners, I’d obviously started out on quads and the two times I’d donned skates in the last decade and a half had been on quads. Regardless whether you’re a skater or not, they’re beautiful, proper figure skater boots. 2 and a bit weeks on I’ve relearnt forward and backward figure of eights, can bunny hop, do a basic jump but blimely o’reilly the missed years have taken there toll. But gosh I’ve missed it. Jayne Torvill has described skating as the closest thing to flying and she’s right. I might more than lack elegance and poise but with my headphones in and wheels on my feet, for an all too short time I can forget about the mess we’re all in and it’s like being a kid again, just me and my skates.

In the first week of lockdown I swiftly signed up for an improv class with Hoopla. Usually I attend improv class at least once a week (as well as acting class at Newcastle’s Theatre Royal). In the first week or so of lockdown I managed to keep myself productive; formatting a script I’d recently completed, wrote a (poor) monologue, took up zumba, began BSL lessons. But like many I suspect, a few weeks on, all those great intentions began to fade. William Shakespeare wrote King Lear while in lockdown from the plague. Yeah? Well old Bill didn’t have Netflix or a full-time job to distract him. I began writing a novel when I was about 17. I no longer have the original manuscript, but it’s a story I’ve attempted to get down repeatedly over the years. When the British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson first announced we were going into lockdown I decided it was time to finally get on and write that novel. I didn’t have time before. Time is the one thing we’ve all got plenty of now. So how’s it going? I haven’t so much as opened up a blank word document.

I have however, in the last week, finally been able to concentrate long enough to start binge watching Netflix (Life on Mars, Dinnerladies, Tiger King, Only Fools and Horses). At the start of lockdown I couldn’t really focus enough to follow a plot or read a book. I’ve also signed up to audible taking in Sandi Toksvig and Michelle Obama’s autobiographies to date and delighted in podcasts new and old (All Killa No Filla, RHLSTP, Off Menu, Your Dead to Me). To be creative it helps to surround yourself with creativity and it’s perfectly ok not to feel inspired in the midst of a global health crisis. You’re not working from home. You’re at home in the middle of a pandemic attempting to distract yourself by working.You’re not on a writer’s retreat! I’ve been blessed not to have suffered any additional insomnia (with ADHD my angsty brain never finds it easy to switch off at the best of times). My mother mentioned to me that she was pleased she’d seen a report early on detailing the likely increase in folk suffering night terrors. It’s a normal reaction. Deprived sleep, anxiety and fear may influence some types of story telling but their not states conducive to positivity. It’s okay to not be okay.

For the last three weeks I’ve been doing a Facebook live video each weekend listing 10 things from a different category each week (numbers, women, hairstyles etc) which you can find here This has given me the opportunity to do a little (and I mean little) research in advance, write a vague bit on each thing I’m going to talk about and then just do it. I haven’t written scripts (which shows), but I’ve purposely not put myself under too much pressure to be funny, or interesting or original (which doubtless also shows) but with months ahead before any performance opportunities arise this is my self care.

Talking of care, like many I have been joining in with the weekly clap for carers where folk all over the UK stand on their front door step at 7pm each Thursday and clap for a minute (or a lot longer in my street’s case) to say thank you for all of those working on the front line; medics, carers, bin men, railway workers, teachers, retail workers etc. As a former supermarket worker it’s telling that those so often looked down on by their better paid compatriots have suddenly become so valued. While I’m certainly in no rush for a pay cut, the worst paid jobs I’ve had have been the most mentally and physically demanding. In usual circumstances, being on your feet all day, heavy lifting and dealing with grumpy members of the public is a tough gig but I struggle to imagine combining those conditions with risking your health (no-one seems to be fighting for PPE (personal protective equipment) for those on the frontline in Tesco or Marks and Spencers).

One house in Woolsington’s beautiful tribute to the NHS

Melted Ice

It’s safe to say we’ve all had a strange week. With The World Figure Skating championships already having been cancelled, this week was never going to look how I’d imagined it. Last weekend I took part in The Mark Drama (a retelling of the events of Mark’s gospel told as theatre in the round via guided improvisation), taking on the role of the disciple John. On Saturday we performed to just under a hundred people before enjoying Pearl’s yummy sticky toffee pudding. Then on Sunday we performed again to around 150 folk after sharing lunch together, the individually sealed sandwiches being the only real sign that we were living in unusual times. That and the director, Jon who had joined us from Spain for the occasion having to leave the final rehearsal in order to catch the last flight back to Madrid. By the time of our performance on Monday at Globe Cafe (ran for students from overseas by Friends International) British Prime Minister had announced just an hour or so before that we were to avoid all ‘unnecessary social interactions’. With most of the cast having already made their way to church, the meal already prepared and folk arriving to watch we made the decision to go ahead. Albeit with 1 less pharisee and the part of disciple Andrew played by a different actor.

The points in the performance where Jesus heals various ailments and especially the cries of “don’t touch her” as he approached the leper took on new meaning. We performed to a packed room and as most folk had already gathered before the announcement it made little sense health-wise to postpone. Looking back at the pictures of the weekend I’m so grateful that we had the opportunity to walk in the disciples footsteps ahead of this week. The amount of times they say something and with the now benefit of hindsight you realise how God was preparing them for greater things to come offers real assurance.

Come Tuesday it seemed inevitable we would soon be working from home and so much of the day was spent waiting for an official announcement from The Church of England (as I work in a church office as an administrator) and by mid-afternoon it was announced that all acts of worship and mid-week meetings were to be suspended until further notice. Thankfully the Church I work for (Jesmond Parish Church) already live streams it’s evening service each week. Following the announcement my office phone was set to divert to my mobile, staff meetings switched to meeting via Zoom (a real Godsend at the moment) and arrangements made to Live Stream both morning and evening services and a talk for younger children (who would normally be attending Sunday School) added into the mix along with printable worksheets and topics for discussion. All of which can be accessed via http://www.clayton.tv or via their youtube channel (handy for viewing on a smart telly) https://www.youtube.com/user/ClaytonTelevision

Tuesday nights are usually spent attending Longform Improv classes at The School of Improv. I’ve been attending the school’s classes since January 2018 and the chance to ‘play’ with the friends I’ve made their is always the highlight of my week. Knowing how much we were all going to miss that Ian & Bev (the School’s founders) arranged a quiz night streamed via Facebook, in which I came a some what respectable 3rd out of 35.

Wednesday was my first day working from home – ever. The morning started with Staff Prayers (where we usually meet in person, read a passage from the Old Testament, a Psalm (read responsively) a passage from the New Testament, feed back about the events of the last few days and then split in to groups and pray about the next few days. This time we met using https://zoom.us/ it’s definitely not the same as being in the same room but being able to see and speak with one another is a real blessing. It’s also interesting to see the spots people chose to film from. On Wednesday I’ll hold my hands up and admit I wasn’t intellectual enough to join those opting for a bookshelf background but rather hastily wrapped a hoodie over my pyjamas! Thankfully though after a quick call to IT my computer was set up on the church network enabling me to access all the shared files and respond to emails. Over the past few months I’ve been attending level 2 acting classes at the Theatre Royal on Wednesday nights meaning I haven’t been able to attend home group (church small groups where we are able to meet to pray and study the Bible and get to know people on a deeper level than on a Sunday). With classes suspended our home group like many had a record attendance (once again via zoom) as couples who normally have to alternate due to childcare were able to attend together).

On Thursday with more free time, I began learning BSL (British Sign Language) via https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCShTpm99s4piz3NycQZsNxg so far I’ve mastered letters, numbers and basic greetings. I’m not very good at ‘switching off’ at the best time of times so figured I’d rather use my time productively than waste the opportunity the ‘gift of time’ offers. Although, I’m yet to write my King Lear (which Shakespeare wrote whilst in quarantine during the plague outbreak). While the evening offered the opportunity for a group of us improvisers who had been playing Dungeon World (a table top role playing game) but unable to arrange a game since last year to utilise the video call function on Facebook messenger and escape to a land of make believe (my character was Marion Burry, a gin-swilling baker).

Come Friday it was time again to meet for Staff prayers followed by another day of email checking, popping out to the pharmacy and shops for friends in isolation and choosing a Taskmaster task to post on Facebook for improv friends to complete (as an administrator naturally i have a very official and detailed 2 tab spreadsheet, lest I lose those excel skills). The evening was spent playing the big no budget game show with led by Ian and Bev. If you head to The Suggestibles Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/suggestibles/ you can find all the details of what’s happening and join in!

With total lockdown seeming ever more likely on Saturday I drove up the coast to Bamburgh. I’ve always found being closer to the sea makes me calmer and more peaceful and knowing it might be a long time before the opportunity arose for my own wellbeing I needed one last walk on the beach. When I arrived it seemed a lot of people had thought the same. However unlike the covidiots ripping the contents of Tesco’s from the shelves, the couple of hundred or so folk on the beach were all respectfully obeying social distancing lengths and there was an eerie silence.

After a walk along the sands and sandwiches on the dune I headed home hoping it’s not too long again. The evening was spent back online viewing Saturday Night at The Stand, this week 4 comedians broadcasting live from The Stand Edinburgh. Free to view but with a donate button to help keep their 3 venues afloat. As well as being a member of the Stand I’ve been blessed to perform their 3 times last year. As well as being Newcastle’s only full-time comedy club, it’s the only place such a newcomer would get the chance to perform to a couple of hundred people, as well as hosting The Suggestible’s on the third Thursday of each month. While normally on a weekend they would seat maybe 500 across the three venues, close to 8,000 viewed Saturday’s gig, hopefully many took the opportunity to donate. If you missed it, it’s happening again next Saturday with the line-up yet to be announced. You can find all the info and link here:https://www.thestand.co.uk/news/saturday-night-live-from-the-stand-this-saturday/

With Sunday upon us and no need to physically travel to church, I took the opportunity to have a lie in and still turned up early (a real rarity). With many churches now streaming services it’s tempting to take the opportunity to see what others get up to. However my Mam (who normally attends a church that wasn’t streaming but rather had posted out their sermon in written form) was keen to view Clayton.TV and so we sat down together.

As well as learning BSL, running Taskmaster and partaking in games and quizzes, I’ve also begun posting 1 of my favourite pieces of Christian music each day. Though on Friday it was the secular ‘True Colours’ sung by a choir of kids heading off from their final day of school that got be bubbling. My tears though are not for me but rather for the kids who like many who attended the school I was a governor for, school was their sanctuary, the place where people cared. It is for them I pray not myself.

This blog was primarily begun for me to vent about ice skating and rest assured despite the lack of current skating I will carry on posting mainly about such things but I wanted a record of this week. Today I also took a step closer to returning to the dancing on ice dream and ordered a balance board (due to arrive on Monday) and leg stretcher (for which I’ll have to wait a while longer) both of which I had been anticipating purchasing once I was in my own home but with house sales off the cards for the foreseeable and time aplenty I figured I might as well get working on that scorpion off ice while I have the chance.

After the Final: what now?

“What you gonna do when Dancing on Ice finishes?” asked a colleague last Friday as I prattled on once more about how desperate I was to see Joe Swash and Alex Murphy skate Bolero. Not realising at the time what a visual treat they had in store with their Chaplin-inspired routine, reminiscent in places of Karen Barber and Nicky Slater’s 1984 Free Dance.

“No worries, The World Championships start in Montreal on Monday” I thought. Flash forward to this Wednesday and The International Skating Union issue a press release confirming that due to the Corona virus not only have the championships and Skate Canada competition been cancelled, with the official statement proclaiming they “could possibly be held later in the year, but in any case not before October 2020.” my coping mechanism for DOI withdrawal has been scuppered. Worse still with the current season being due to end in April it seems implausible that competitors would be in a position to be performing this year’s routine whilst in full on prep-mode for 2020/21 season. Alas it seems the Worlds stage will be denied the delight of Lilah Fear and Lewis Gibson’s tremendous Vogue inspired Free Dance.

I decided early this year to forego a trip to WordAlive in Prestatyn (North Wales) this year partly in an effort to save money (my main priority for 2020 being to move in to my own place after staying with my parents for the last couple of years) but also in order to drive over to Blackpool and spend a day at the 53rd Annual Ice Skating Festival at Blackpool Pleasure Beach Arena. Whilst currently the British Skating Union appear to be following the British government’s somewhat more relaxed approach and have not begun cancelling events it seems unlikely I’ll be in a position to ‘wait and see’ before booking my hotel and so alas I regretfully will not be attending. Fingers crossed I’ll make it across for the Hot Ice show instead at some point in the summer.

And (presuming the madness has ceased) be attending The British Figure Skating Championships in Sheffield at the beginning of December, having secured the time off work and being lucky enough to have friends and family nearby. Though finance allowing i’ll be staying elsewhere as I don’t much fancy a week on a sofa. As detailed on the homepage, I’m not a skater myself just a massive fan of the sport, which some people find odd, but it’s no stranger that many a bloke on the football terraces unable to kick a ball in a straightline!

What I’ve found very odd over the last couple of months is the DOI fans on various Facebook groups I made the mistake of joining who avidly watch the show yet have no knowledge of or appreciation for the discipline from which the professionals emerged. Though not perhaps as alarming as the endless arguments over the judging panel and their scoring seemingly based more on who the contributor ‘liked’ rather than their technical ability. I adore Dancing on Ice (obviously). I adore it for what it is. Dancing…on…ice. The celebrities learn to dance, on ice. They learn to skate sufficiently to dance, on ice. The progress (almost) all of the contestants make in so short a time is phenomenal bearing in mind the years competitive and professional skaters put in and they deserve much praise.

That said, some of the comments have not only bordered on the ridiculous, but fully jumped the shark! There have been a few skaters over the years whom had they begun training as a youngster may well have had the capability to progress through the competitive ranks but to suggest that any one of the celebrities should represent us in the Olympics is not only naive but does a huge disservice to those dedicated guys and girls plugging away at their passion away from the cameras in rinks up and down the country.

Whilst the terrestrial channels seem to be inexplicably incapable of making the art form as readily available as the British Bowls Championships, for example (which was Broadcast on BBC2 at the same time as the inaugural Britannia Cup, Junior Olympic coverage and British Synchonised Skating Championships were shunted onto iplayer), with almost every house in the country having access to the internet and the ISU ensuring almost all major competitions are viewable live on their YouTube channel, it’s not difficult to catch sight of the current crop aiming to emulate Jayne and Chris’ success or to discover how the sport as evolved since Sarajevo. At present British Ice dancers aiming to compete in the 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics receive zero funding from UK Sport (compared to Curling’s £6.35m). Forced to juggle arduous training on ice and intensive off-ice body conditioning with earning enough money to simply live as well as train (a Telegraph report last December estimated juniors were spending around £20K an annum), whilst their Russian counterparts begin training around at 3 or 4 years of age (as compared Fear and Gibson and Torvill and Dean who each began around 9 to 11), receiving much needed financial support from The Figure Skating Federation of Russia (FSFR). Little wonder then that despite the passion and resilience of Britian’s top flight skaters, Russia take home fifty percent of all Olympic Figure Skating medals.

A quick glance at the UK Sport website’s funding pages, shows that those attracting the most funding are those we’ve medalled in most recently and those that attract the most viewers. Arguably one being the cause of the other and vice-versa. Whilst Lilah Gibson and Lewis Fear (current British Ice Dance champions) are without doubt Britain’s best competitors since Jayne and Chris, without an increase in funding the wait for another UK medal will continue. Yet without more folk making the leap from Sunday night’s in front of DOI to supporting British competitive skating it seems inevitable the strangulation of the sport by funding authorities will continue it’s vicious circle.

Cirque du Soliel, the largest contemporary circus producer in the world have recognised the phenomenal capacity for creativity with it’s current show ‘Crystal’, employing four-time world Benjamin Agosot as the Skating Performances Designer, alongside four-time world champion, Kurt Browning as its Skating Performances Senior Designer. As showcased in the snippet included in this years DOI, the show employs both extreme acrobatic skating as well as more traditional figure skating to wow its audiences with skaters from countless countries around the world, including the UK. Cirque du Soleil are a massive company employing almost 5,000 individuals worldwide and it’s decision to diversify into the world of the rink for the 1st time since its inception in 1984 is testament to the pulling power of the ice.

If you truly love Dancing on Ice, the good news is there’s no need to wait until January to get your fill of the action. From British and international competitive skating competitions and festivals, arena tours such as Cirque du Soleil or a trip to the long running Hot Ice Show in Blackpool there’s plenty ways to get your fix, support our skaters, be they amateurs, professionals, ice dancers, acrobatic skaters, juniors, novice, synchro, pairs…if they’ve got blades on, show them the love and show the sports bodies British skating deserves better!

From Golden Glory to Hellish Horrors

On Tuesday February 14^th 1984, Zetra Olympic Hall in Sarajevo was the setting of Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean’s monumental Olympic triumph cheered on by 8500 spectators in the hall, and millions across the globe. The ultramodern, copper-roofed complex, designed by architects Lidumil Alikalfic and Dušan Đapa was officially opened by then President of the International Olympic Committee, Juan Antonio Samaranch on February 14^th 1982 (exactly 2 years before Jayne and Chris’ stunning 6.0 Bolero).

Following the Olympics, Zetra was the setting of further record breaking, while hosting a number of international Speed Skating contests, until 1991 as well as the last Olympic closing ceremony held in an indoor venue until Vancouver 2010. That same year (July 28^th 1991), some 30,000 youngsters packed the hall out (with a further 50,000) outside, celebrating peace and hundreds of thousands protested on the streets against a war few believed would come so soon, causing more than ten thousand deaths.

Yet less than a year later on April 6^th 1992, come it did. And on May 21^st (according to Alikalfic) or May 25^th (Wikipedia & William Oscar Johnson’s ‘The Killing Ground’) Serbian forces under the command of General Ratko Mladić caused substantial damage to Zetra through shelling, bombing and fire, as well as destroying the building’s blueprints forever. Such was the wreckage, that the following year, with ever decreasing resources and an ever increasing death toll, Zetra’s wooden seating was being taken away daily to be fashioned into much needed coffins, many being buried in a cemetery set up at the rear of the Arena after being placed in the venue’s basement which had become a makeshift morgue.

The Juan Antonio Samaranch Olympic Hall (formerly known as Zetra Olympic Hall), Sarajevo. The white stones marking the war dead in Groblje Lav Cemetery can be seen on the hill rising above the complex.

The Olympic committee’s residence 8 years before (the freshly opened distinctive yellow Holiday inn) envisioned by celebrated Bosnian architect Ivan Straus, as an ‘indoor city’ became ground zero, located on what became known as ‘Sniper’s Alley’. From 1992-1995 it housed war reporters from around the world, filing report after report where, as BBC Correspondent Martin Bell stated “you didn’t go out to the war, the war came in to you.” The hotel which was hit in excess of a hundred times in the course of the three year siege (the lengthiest siege to hit any capital city in modern conflict) has since be re-named the Olympic Hotel Holiday Sarajevo in recognition of its original construction and is once again an important symbol of the architecture and history of Sarajevo.

The Holiday Inn mid-siege (left) and The freshly name (& painted) Olympic Holiday Hotel (right)

On December 14^th 1995, with the signing of the Dayton Peace Agreement the war finally came to an end. A war which had left so many dead and so much of the Sarajevo Olympics’ legacy in tatters. A year later The Stabilisation Force in Bosnia and Herzegovina (SFOR), a NATO-led multinational peacekeeping force was deployed primarily to “deter hostilities and stabilise the peace”. In December 1997 the SFOR set about reconstructing Zetra, a $32m project made possible by a $11.5m donation from the International Olympic Committee. Three years later the project was completed and the Hall (renamed as The Juan Antonio Samaranch Olympic Hall following his death in 2010), is once again in use as a sporting arena and houses a small museum commemorating the 1984 Olympics. In 2014, Chris (along with Jayne) returned to perform once again at the arena marking 30 years since “That day changed our lives forever and will always be in our hearts and our memories, not just for that day but for the life it gave us.” In 2019 the hall was a venue for the European Youth Olympic Winter Festival Ice Hockey, with figure skating taking place at the nearby Skenderija Hall. While, Tripadvisor reviews make clear that The Juan Antonio Samaranch Olympic Hall is today less the glorious mecca ice dance fanatics may foresee, and more a municipal concrete carbuncle, its history both splendid and dreadful, make it a place worthy of remembrance.

1984 winners of the Ice Dance Gold Medal Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean made history at Zetra with their run of 6.0s

A wife’s perspective:“Please be kind, especially to my family”.

I also spoke about this on BBC World Service (skip to 9.44) https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w172wrw0rb90mhw

It’s this line from Philip Schofield’s statement to the press, which hit me like a battering ram to the gut. For in 2017, I myself was faced with the revelation that my husband of 8 years was in fact gay. Usually when a marriage ends it’s either a case of having simply grown a part and no blame is apportioned, or one of the parties has done something which all outsiders will meet with “what a bastard”. But with this, whilst the one who has come out is met with congratulations and admiration for bravery, being true to themselves, ‘now you can live the live you’ve always wanted’, their partner is met with the sad realisation that not only is much of their past ‘tainted’ (in as much as so many of those happy ‘romantic’ moments you remember, were not necessarily happy or romantic to your partner but a daily need to hide), the life they had wanted, and believed was theirs has gone.

While stories of coming out are often described like tales of re-birth, for those of us left behind it’s more akin to grief. If your partner leaves or dies, folk are quick to offer sympathy and usually you’ll know folk it’s happened to that can empathise and offer encouragement. Whilst, relationships ending due to one of the partners having hidden their sexuality and then revealing it, are a lot more common than the average person realises, it’s rarely spoken of so even if you do know someone else it’s happened to, it’s unlikely you’ll know about it. And if you are brave enough to talk about it, you’re greeted with a mixture of uncomfortable silence or commendation for your partner’s latter truthfulness.

Initially when I was told by my husband he was attracted to men (it was some month’s later he revealed he was gay rather than bi-sexual) I was relieved. For the past few months it had become clear that something was wrong, and when he said we needed to talk, his demeanour led me to believe I was about to be told he’d committed adultery. To my knowledge at that point, he hadn’t. I even thanked him for confiding in me. He looked me square in the eye and swore blind he still loved me and wanted very much for me to still be his wife. For the next four months life continued, I was confused and at times scared, but I’d reason with myself that despite being married I was still attracted to other people, so what did it matter. I would never act on it and he had promised me he wouldn’t either

Almost exactly, 4 months after my husband’s first revelation, (he told me) he was going out for a drink with a few friends from work and wouldn’t be too late back. I decided to give him a call. No reply. I checked Whatsapp and could see he hadn’t looked at it since finishing work. Having had to borrow his keys after losing mine that morning, I decided to watch a film partly so he could let himself in and partly because I always preferred to be awake when he came in. Mistakenly at this point I believed what you see on TV shows about not being able to report people missing for 24 hours. My mind was racing and I was exhausted. I took a sleeping tablet and brought my duvet downstairs so he’d still be able to get in. 3 hours and a second sleeping tablet later I was still wide awake. I rang him again and left a message imploring him to contact me, I just wanted to know he was ok. I then googled ‘missing persons’ and discovered that you very definitely do not need to wait 24 hours. I then rang the police, my heart pounding through my chest, terrified and alone. The mutual friends I had messaged had all either not seen or heard from him, or were asleep and had not replied.

As the police kept me on the line checking hospital admissions, my mobile finally rang. “I’ll come back when I’m ready”. That was it. No apology, no explanation of where he was, who he was with or why the radio silence. After apologising to the police for wasting their time, a follow up text simply said he was staying at a friend’s house and we’d talk later that day. By 10am I could take it no more, left the keys under a pot by the back door and headed out to meet a friend for her birthday picnic. Thankfully the friends I met are the sort of folk that despite my having been flaky and unresponsive at best for the past few months, were understanding, patient, listened and I am so thankful that by then having realised what was likely to be coming enabled me to face up to it and set plans in motion should I need a place to stay.

I headed home and pulled up to the house realising that by then he had indeed returned home. I sat in the car for what seemed an eternity (though in reality was likely only a couple of minutes). I was scared but angry. I just wanted him to know that allowing me to believe he might be dead, knowing how terrified I was that something terrible had happened to him or that he’d done something to himself, was beyond cruel. It was that, that was the ultimate betrayal. If he wasn’t sexually attracted to me, fine. If he didn’t love me as a wife, fine. To not even care whether I thought he was dead, I wouldn’t even put someone I hated through that.

When I finally headed in and found him lying in the spare room the entire conversation lasted no more than 30 seconds. He simply said “I’m gay. I’m leaving”. My response that I didn’t care if he was gay, what I cared about was the cruelty he’d inflicted on me in the last 24 hours was met with emotionless silence. I walked downstairs grabbed a few things from the laundry and headed straight to my friend’s house. I never slept in that house again. 24 hours later, I learnt that despite his initial instance he wasn’t going to go out and meet anyone, he had in fact done just that and had entered into a relationship. For how long, I don’t know and I don’t care. Whilst our relationship from beginning to end lasted 9 years, and he later revealed he’d known he was gay since the age of 16, much as I am at a loss to explain why it is that he chose to pursue me, to propose, get married; it is the events of the four months after he revealed being attracted to men that really stings. Had he left there and then, it still would have hurt, a lot but it would have saved so much uncertainty, fear, dread and yet more lies. The nonchalant response I received anytime I even dared to suggest that as the one who had entered our marriage blissfully unaware and had been faithful throughout, I might be the injured party, whereas from Phillip Schofield’s statement, it appears that his wife Stephanie has been aware of the situation for some time before he’s ‘gone public’ and though I’ve no doubt this has led to feelings of grief and despair, he admits that he feels ‘the hurt I am causing to my family’ , ‘heartbreak’ and implores us all to “Please be kind, especially to my family”.

This leads me on to two things I would request folk do in response to Phil’s statement. First, if you are single and struggling with your sexuality, do not enter in to a relationship. It is your choice how, when and if you make your sexual preferences known but nobody else deserves to have their choices taken away as a result of yours. If you are already in a relationship, be honest. Don’t put it off. The longer you drag it out for, the more protracted the agony for all. And secondly, spare a moment to remember those who through no fault of their own have had their lives turned immeasurably upside down. Don’t judge them, ask stupid questions like ‘you must have known’, clearly not. Let them talk about it or not talk about it. Allow them to speak about memories that involve their ex without making it weird. If you’ve been with someone for years, then naturally a lot of your memories from that time are going to involve your ex. You can’t erase the past.

I am blessed that my family, friends and church have supported me every step of the way and in a strange way the experience has done me a lot of good. I now know just how strong I really am, a lot more than I would have thought. In those months before, I thought a break-up would be the worst thing that ever happened to me, when it finally happened it was like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders. It made me indestructible, brave. Five weeks after walking out the door with that laundry bag I signed up for improv classes. Afraid but knowing the answer to ‘what’s the worst that could ever happen?’ was that it already had and I’d survived. Less than a year after that first revelation, I began doing stand-up. Something I’d always dreamt of, but been too terrified to truly contemplate. It made me not fearless, but determined to face my fears. The events could very easily have broken me but I refused to let that happen. Now I’m no longer consumed by worrying about my marriage or my husband’s mental health, my only responsibilities are to myself and ensuring that I also get to live my dream.